God, grant me the serenity to accept a server I cannot change,
Courage to walk past the computer without turning it on when I'm running late,
And the wisdom to know the difference between
"Come to bed now" (meaning "Let's have some fun!")
and "Come to bed NOW!" (meaning "That computer has got to GO"!)

Amen

The government is closing in on Bill Gates in the Microsoft antitrust trial. If Gates has to do time, I've got a feeling that he may get a taste of his own medicine when Big Louie in Cellblock 3 tries to forcibly install his "Inmate Explorer."

Definition of an upgrade = Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
The day Microsoft will make something that doesn't suck is probably the day they'll start making vacuum cleaners.
Redmond, WA--Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.
What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Chips.
How is the new iMac like a woman?
Neither one will take a 3 1/2 inch floppy and they both like a big hard drive.
What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus?
A virus does something.
Why is sex like software?
For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for free

This customer comes into the computer store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging."

"Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Windows 98?"

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language.

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.